SUICIDE

I’m just writing off the cuff here, not even sure If I will edit or even proofread, but a friend just committed suicide last night.  I haven’t seen him in over a decade, but he’s a part of a time in my life that is very memorable, and, he was still there doing the same thing, with many of the same friends.  I have so many questions.  I mean there has been enough distance, time and space that the pain wasn’t sharp and stabbing, but it was the kind of hurt that doesn’t leave you all day.  I keep picturing his face, his hair, even his stylish clothing.  Then my mind goes to his gentleness, and his kindness.  I keep asking myself, why?

Sebastien was a career club promoter.  The kind that established financial success and popularity success.  He became a San Francisco legend in his own right. For over 20 years he has promoted and produced some of the biggest nightclub nights and parties known to the city for over two decades.  He operated the most coveted nights in the city.

I think back to our times together , not just in the clubs , but outside of them as well.  Sebastien had a tendency back in the day to party a little too hard. He got to the point where he would seriously stumble over his words, and where I would have sent myself home, he just kept on going.  He got sober, however, and he witnessed the death of his sister in 2011.  I have to wonder if her death played a part in the pain he felt to make his final decision, or was it something deeper?

I think you can be surrounded by tons of friends, old and new, adoring “fans”, and a whole lot of people who want to be close to you.  I think that can be a burden in the end.  The desire to want to talk to everyone, need to be liked, but then experience the emptiness of it all at the end of the night, the next morning, or come Monday.    The truth is, we were out of touch except for facebook, I just don’t know what led to his demise.  So many people don’t believe he took his own life, they are searching for something more sinister.  SF gangs, mobs, the who-done-it is now running rampant within our circle of friends and the vast thousands who knew and loved Sebastien.  I think the truth is harder to accept then someone offed him.  The truth is, he called a friend with threats of his desire to commit suicide and that friend called the police.  Too late.  He hung himself in his SF apartment amongst a “thrashed apartment”.

RIP Sebasien.  I’m in shock and very dismayed.  I’ll never forget our talks, your humor, and how beautiful you were.

 

 

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