Suicide Notes

How many of you have encountered a suicide note?  It doesn’t have to be an actual written or typed out letter, but a text, a facebook cryptic message….something that you look at curiously and wonder…is this person for real?  Or just needs help, attention, something?   I know first hand that every cry for help, be it cryptic or in your face, should be taken seriously.  In July of 2009 I got a text on a Thursday from my daughters father (he sent to to a few people) that (to paraphrase), “he was one of God’s cruel jokes and he was just going to swim out).  He was a surfer and in surfer terms that means keep swimming and swimming…you get the drift.  And even though I text him back begging him to stay alive for his daughter, two days later, he died.

I have a friend…well, one of Pauls friends who is putting out these messages on facebook now.  I know he has been suffering in many ways as of late, but his post yesterday was final.  Im not great friends with him…just through Paul and facebook, however, if he were to take his life…I would be devastated.

I understand the pain.  Id love to check out myself.  I can’t, ever, I have a beautiful daughter who needs a healthy mother.  So I stick around.  I wonder if people truly understood the deep pain I am in, that they might step in?  I try to stay positive and put on a good front, but when I’m alone, I know I’m done here.  But God has another plan and I will live as long as I can for my daughter and her children.

Stay strong Phil.  The other way is selfish, easy and final.  Stay with us.  Please.

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